i look around me and i don't know what to think maybe its because i don't know what to do and maybe its because i feel betrayed i don't know which i really just wish that things could go back to somewhat normal i mean everything has gotton so hard and i try to pull through but it seems the more i push the farther i fall could someone please explain to me why i just need to know maybe then i could understand something maybe i just need to go into a hole and hide would that help? the one person i have always turned to for strenght in times of need has turned her back to me and i don't know what i did for that to happen god please tell me what i did that was so wrong i may not be able to fix it but i promise i would try or if i could not at least i could understand

justin i really love you

brooke i really need you right now please call me

to everyone else i'm here that's about all i can say

well guys i found someone and i hope that he will last a while he is really sweet and i think you all will approve of him his names is Justin i meet him last Friday he was going south with dad and then i needed someone to play football so i called mike and asked if he (Justin) played he said he may and so i asked if mike would have justin call when he got home about twenty mins later justin called and we went out Sunday night to play football which we never really did because we left the ball in the car so then we just walked around the park and talked Tiff and John were with us and they walked off the other direction however i had to keep an eye on them which most guys hate but he thought that that was a good thing so i don't think there will be a problem if i have to have tiff or zach with me sometimes because he loves kids and because he hangs out with zach all the time anyways Justin has been hanging out with my dad for the last couple of weeks but anyways back to my story when we were walking in the park Sunday and he turned me to him and kissed me my heart sunk into the pit of my stomach and we have talked on the phone, everyday several times a day, all week. we are going to hang out tomorrow night and i hope that he really wants to be around for awhile i think he does and i just hope that my instincts are true this time as well

brooke i will always be here for you i love you like a sister i really want to meet up with you and hang out maybe we can get together this weekend as a double date or something that a way you can meet Justin and i can still see and hang out with you plus you can hang out with TJ at the sametime three in one oh yeah

well to everyone else love ya talk to you later

well he is gone because he lied just like all the other guys i dated he was not just dating me but two other girls too

brooke don't worry i understand what you are going though its just hard i mean i haven't seen or really talked to you in like a month and i feel like i am lossing the sister and best friend i have had for so long. i love you like a sister chick talk to you soon

everyone else just give me time to get back into the swing of things i promise i will be ok love you all